As hard as I'm trying to think differently, I have been feeling overwhelmed, nervous, and a little on the verge of tears for the last few days, especially when I'm not with my family. I haven't felt very well, and have also convinced myself that I'm going to need to deliver earlier than full-term. For whatever reason, I have no idea why. Maybe because it was my sister's experience, or maybe because of the books and statistics I have read, or maybe I'm just 'preparing' for the possibility even though nothing suggests its probability at this point. It also could be that, as I whined before, I'm just feeling worn out, achy, and in less control of things each passing day.
All of this is not to say that I'm not excited to meet my little guy in 9 weeks (or less) - because I really am! I am just always so much better when the unknown arrives and I can start dealing with it head-on, directly. And when I feel this way - waiting for the time to happen - I get a little paralyzed and my tendency is to kind of hunker down - I feel less social, less inclined to reach out to people. This isn't the best way to handle it because I can also get pretty lonely. So we'll see how I manage it from now going forward. There are some big things (showers, prep classes, family birthdays) happening on most weekends between now and then, but the remainder of the time I will probably spend resting up as much as possible. And trying to finish getting things ready for bebe's arrival. If I can get the basics finished I will be far happier and more inclined to really rest. I'm repeating myself, I know. I think it's how I'll convince myself of my plan and stop freaking out so much.
I just got caught up on your blog! Bebe's corner is darling (I saw a pic of that earlier this month, but I hadn't seen those extra three cuties, the monkey, etc.) and your kankles sound dandy (not!) and I can't wait to meet this little fella. He's obviously going to be surrounded by so much love and support -- as are you! xoxo
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