Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Crazy-Making Two Week Wait

Here we are. Waiting. Waiting. Aaaaannnndddd, waiting some more. It's been 8 days since I did the IUI and for about 6 of those I felt like I'd pulled a muscle in my abdomen or that I was having pms cramps or that I was flushing or that I was exhausted or that I was having hormonal surges that caused a HUGE meltdown by Saturday night. The truth is my sore abdomen and cramps were probably from the tension of the procedure, the flushing was likely just a warmer than usual room, the exhaustion might have come from four 16-17 hour days in a row - including a flight to LA and back in the same day with a full day of meetings while there, and then 12 hours of exhausting and stressful opera rehearsals where for the first time ever I was utterly unprepared to do my job. The 45 minute crying meltdown was probably a direct result of all of these things and the fact that out of nowhere, I snapped at my beloved friend during one of those nutty rehearsals and then also found out I hadn't been invited to a party that everyone else got invited to - and for the first time in my crazy little life, cared. Add to all that the temperature tracking - which is in no way predictable or consistent for anyone EVER - that has sent me mixed messages every day since the IUI. What do you get? One very confused chica.

So, as of this morning, I have discontinued the temperature taking unless this didn't take and I need to start again. I ate a turkey sandwich (not supposed to have deli meat when pregnant) AND I added a small bit of caffeine back into my morning coffee. Oh and did I mention that though I had been cutting back, I also went cold turkey on the caffeine last week? Yeah, let's just help that crazy along.

Now I'm just back to waiting. I'll be honest, even though I'm nuts, I'm still hopeful. I won't know until I know. There will be no sign, there will be no 'predicting' before it's time. (Unless I puke, and then all bets are off, because I can pretty much count on 1 hand how many times I've done that in my life.)

Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, 
and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all. - Emily Dickinson

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