Friday, December 30, 2011

Almost time to begin

I finally have a few minutes to catch up on my progress, so here it goes. Since my last post, I've moved, sung 12 Nutcrackers, started rehearsals for a houseconcert in January, have spent much time with my baby niece and family, and several Christmas and birthday celebrations have come and gone (and we still have another Christmas celebration tomorrow with the extended family), hosted guests in my new home, and of course all the while, worked my day job which included a 2 day staff retreat. I'll be honest, I'm tired, so am really glad to have this week away from my day job - though I've filled it to the brim with all the other stuff and family. But also, in truth, it's been a good thing to be occupied in the last few weeks before starting TTC. My lab work is done and all good, I've chosen a donor (my 2nd choice actually, who turned into my first choice just in the past 2 days), contacted the clinic to make an appointment for Tuesday afternoon and the cryobank to make sure they can deliver if I call first thing Tuesday morning, working under the assumption that I should ovulate Monday and then need to do the intrauterine insemination within 24 hours of that to be optimally fertile (and this means I had to consider that Monday will be a holiday and both will be closed, so needed to get a jump on what's possible with such short notice.) That's all squared away. Now I wait to see what my body will do and live in the land of something I can't control in the slightest.

As a rule, I'm not a big crier, but when I'm anxious or nervous, especially with the unknown, crying is kind of my unintentional release. So I'm getting used to crying A LOT over the littlest stuff. I guess it's prep for raging hormones, which will come with being pregnant, which is what I want. But still. I cried at the words Holiday Spirit on the radio last week. This is out of control!!! And I am definitely trying to remain calm while also feeling exceptionally anxious right now. Stress is not conducive to conceiving, and it behooves me to do everything I can to choose the right conditions for the procedure. It won't exactly be comfortable, and my mom will be there, and it will be in a sterile but not very well decorated clinic patient room with bad lighting - so THOSE particular conditions are not exactly what one thinks of when making a baby, but it's what I've got to work with, so I will. Which means anything else I can do to relax will be helpful. Don't know what that is yet, but I'm working on it. Starting with staying in my pajama pants, hoodie and slippers all day long today. Countdown 4 days, or 4 more weeks to TTC. I'd like to get this party started, so crossing my fingers and hoping for Tuesday to be the day.

Could be a lot of good endings and exciting new beginnings in the next few days. Happy New Year!

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