Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Life and all that goes with it.

Just a short update. I've checked many things off my 'to do' list since I started this process in May. And, I truly can't believe it's November already, because I assure you, in May - I did NOT believe I could be patient enough to last 8 months to start TTC. And now, I'm really within 8 weeks of it (TTC means Trying To Conceive; and apparently I'm starting to talk about time in weeks to get ready).

Some part of me wishes I had the next two months to really just 'be' my single self, knowing (hoping) that soon I will never again be my single self. But true to form, my life is probably going to be busier than ever starting with another singing job that takes me through Christmas, and then the holidays and all that comes with those, and possibly moving in the next few weeks. All things I want and need to do, but it still seems rather surreal.

I've made my multi-layered life happen over the past 10 years by seeing through an end date to the next day. If I have a recital on the 20th, I'm visualizing the 21st. If we have something due at work on the 14th, I'm thinking about breathing on the 15th. Right now, seeing through the next 8 weeks just takes me to a whole new level of what's next. I hope I'm ready.

What I am ready for, and am starting to get a taste of already, is the unbelievable family connections that start to happen when children enter the picture. My family is big and close and we spend every birthday and every holiday with some or all of our family. Weddings are a reunion and an affair, to say the least. And recently, some years have been one thing after another. But from the moment my cousins started having babies, there has been a new intensity to getting together, wanting to be together. Chasing the 2 year old boys, while holding someone's newborn seems reasonable and fun, and exhausting, but oh so good. It's a beautiful cacophonous chaos. And really, I've spend more time with my sister over the last 2 months since my niece was born, than ever before, except when we were kids, living in the same house. We share such an intense love and desire to protect and teach and nurture her - that it now seems completely reasonable for us to spend hours together. Sometimes just sitting watching her grunt and stretch and sleep and eat.

I'm looking forward and through to more beautiful cacophonous chaos.

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