Saturday, August 13, 2011

Research Research Research

Once I made The Decision, it occurred to me that I had NO idea how to get started. I was sure, and grateful, that the path of my life had finally been laid out for me, but that was about all I knew. I spent the entire night plowing through the internet and coming up with many blogs and sites about infertility, but only one or two about women doing this on their own. I was seeing terms and acronyms I knew nothing about and was a little overwhelmed. But I stumbled on a book called Choosing Single Motherhood, downloaded it and finally started to put things together. I'm a quick study, and figured out that making the decision was the toughest part for some (though it came swiftly to me), that making the process happen was fairly simple if I had the money and if my body's fertility hadn't already crapped out on me.

Putting the emotional stuff together with the fairly simple process however has been a roller coaster ride. I'm constantly fighting with the fact that this IS my path, therefore all the questions and issues and concerns have to be resolved (uh, and resolved this very moment) because I know what I am meant to do. So I made lists and a plan and declarative statements on what and how I wanted to make it all happen. I got my annual physical, talked it through with my doctor, started looking up cryobank websites, told a few key people in my life and began what most 'in the know' would term the first stage 'Thinking'. The accepted first stages appear to be Thinking, Trying, Waiting,....  I still haven't reconciled that term because I'd made the decision. So I kind of went directly from 'Deciding' to 'Planning' and my next step will be 'Trying'. Obviously the steps and terms are personal to each woman going through this process, and this way seems to speak more clearly to me.

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