Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Plan

My plan is to start Trying in December or January, which gives me time to chart, time to save, time to move my ass more frequently in order to get in some kind of shape for this, time to move into a bigger place, and basically, time to get all my ducks in a row, as my mother says. So, my doctor said go for it, but don't wait too long, and get some exercise. Gotcha. My therapist says great, go for it, but don't wait too long. Wait, how long is too long? I'm 40.5. Will waiting 5 more months kill this plan before I even get started? But...what about my plan? My plan is good and I came up with it for a list of very good reasons. But will I plan myself out of the possibility? And thus the anxiety began. Oh yeah, and by the way, time to get off the medication that helps you with that anxiety. Awesome.

There are all kinds of possibilities about how this process might or might not work and so I will have to build in some contingencies, be prepared to be flexible and, patient. I ride the fence between idealism and realism. I'm not a blind faith believer, it doesn't come easy to me and I dwell in the land of logic so much of the time. But I am hopeful and I believe this is my path, or I would NOT be in this process. At this point, I believe it's possible for me to get pregnant and have a healthy beautiful baby. But I'm more about 'cautious optimism' - it's up to my body to determine how possible this really is, and may be up to specialists to help me along the way if I need it. I'm going with 'hoping my body's fertility hasn't crapped out on me quite yet'. Cautiously optimistic. That's me.

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