Yesterday afternoon, I went and got a blood draw from the clinic. They will test my Follicle Stimulating Hormone levels. We want this to be a low, low number, preferably in the single digits, which is kind of a long shot based on my age. But it could still be low. Just don't want high numbers. I had major anxiety leading up to yesterday afternoon, because I prefer NO obstacles to my plans. I have contingencies for them, but prefer things to go just like I intend. There are loads of fertility diets and books on conceiving and information on using non traditional methods to get that number lower or using eastern medicinal brews. I know this because of course, as a control freak, I've been inundating myself in the literature, again, even though I have no control over this. But the test was yesterday, and I read all of this last night. So at this moment all I can do is wait for the results. Praying, sure. Hoping, of course.
I'm a big imagery person. It's how I learned to sing well - my teacher would say, "Imagine that sound is spinning, spinning out in front of you and all the way to Seattle." Or, "'Ah' as if you're taking a bite of an apple." "See it in your mind's eye." Brilliant teaching for my particular way of learning. This (below) came to me today in the form of blog post from a friend's pastor. It was about him summiting a 'hill' here in the PNW, and how if the top had been fogged in, he wouldn't have seen what he was climbing for and wouldn't have been very inclined to continue in the heat and sweat and with all the bugs. But because he could see the top, he just had to continue, step by step to reach it. I feel the same way about my process. I've been collecting sayings and quotes and prayers from all walks and religions to help me with my imagery along this path and add this one to my collection today, and it is exactly what I needed:
Thanks be to you O God.
For the saints around us who reflect your glory, who are passionate in their love, humble in their service, courageous in their convictions. Grant that we might see your vision with greater clarity for having been with them. Grant us eyes to see your glory in creation, in trials, in your Word. And seeing where you’re taking us, grant us the endurance to go there. Step by step by step by step….until the very top. Glory to you! Amen