Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Finding a partner

I've been thinking about dating recently. For several reasons I guess; 1) I get quizzed on my love life by a few of my family more than I'd like; 2) I'm getting older, and K is getting a tiny bit more independent of me, which means I could potentially go out more often than before; 3) some of the moms in my group talk about dating or relationships they're in - while being solo moms by choice. And it's triggered some of the longing I have hidden pretty deep down, that someday I will find someone to share my life with, but now along with the most important consideration - who will also be great to share my child's life.

No matter how hard I try, and I do sometimes, I can't figure out how I would incorporate dating into my current world. My time with my son and his well-being are paramount for me, meaning, really, that as a full-time working mom, I don't have extra time yet to spend with someone just to get to know them, in the hopes that they might be eventually deemed good enough (a VERY HIGH BAR to clear) to ever even be introduced to my son. The people I spend time with away from my son already have to be very well worth it, and even they get put on the backburner if I haven't had enough 1:1 time with him recently.

The other part of this is I was never very good at "dating" before, either. I struggle with superficial contact and conversation. I jump pretty quickly from, You like me? to Let's have a relationship, forever!Truly, it's unintentional, but I get ahead of myself and also duped a lot. So the trust I may once have had in the process and others, is pretty much nil at this point. There are things I'm doing to build it back, but it's a pretty tall order.

I'm paying attention to friends who are on a similar path, other solo moms who have the courage, or crazies, to get out there even against all odds. And, keeping myself open for the possibility of meeting someone just by, you know, meeting them. Not by forced circumstances. At least not yet. We'll see...

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