All of this to say, quite inelegantly, that I am struggling with my loss of self and career and artistry, and my lack of true and near friendships. Until recently, I believed this huge family of mine, many of whom live nearby, would replace my need for external friendships. I have been expecting more friendship and togetherness from them for most of my life, but realize now that isn't exactly what has evolved. We are family, and love each other of course, and we do a lot of family things together - mostly birthdays and holidays. My sisters and nearby (girl) cousin are all married with families, and have pretty solid groups of local friends, and my brother is pretty independent with his own friends. While it's disappointing that things have turned out this way, at least I'm finally starting to be free from that expectation. But because of my introvert self, I still am unable to figure out what to do to build my own community. Other than having a really beautiful, smart, funny little boy, I don't have much to offer or bring to the table, or at least it feels that way right now.
So, hobbies? meetup groups? mom clubs? I am told by mom friends, that once my child gets into school there will be playdates and from playdates often come parental friendships. I hold out some hope there, and that sometime soon I'll figure out what makes me creatively tick, now that singing and performing are no longer a part of my regular equation. And the current season brings lots of family events, so we'll fill our time with those. Lots to consider.
So, hobbies? meetup groups? mom clubs? I am told by mom friends, that once my child gets into school there will be playdates and from playdates often come parental friendships. I hold out some hope there, and that sometime soon I'll figure out what makes me creatively tick, now that singing and performing are no longer a part of my regular equation. And the current season brings lots of family events, so we'll fill our time with those. Lots to consider.
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