Monday, April 9, 2012

Not an uplifting post...just gotta vent.

This past week has been a bit of a test. I've been exhausted - I think because of the concert last weekend, dealing with waves of nausea, and having trouble sleeping because of waking up in the middle of the night starving and needing to eat. Which probably means I wasn't eating enough in those 6-7 small meals all day long. That I have to discover this stuff by doing it wrong, I do NOT like. And I've been feeling stressed at work and a bit lonely at home. So all in all, not feeling my best. 

I did get to see my niece on Friday night and a good cuddle from her is salve anytime, a Costco outing with my friend Scott was good, and then dinner with my folks last night also helped. They were great when I got all teary at the table in the restaurant. I'm just feeling weirdly uneasy and at the same time, doing my best to stay calm and to ward off anxiety attacks and depression. I think it will help to have my first OB appt and ultrasound next week, and then also when I no longer am keeping this a 'secret' (which sounds funny since so many people already know).But I'm also hypersensitive to all of a sudden being the center of attention. I fear desperately that I'll be literally unrecognizable by the time we get to November because of weight gain, and am terrified that people will want to take 100 million pictures of me which I will just hate (for the record, I hate getting my picture taken now, so this isn't new) since I'm already starting to feel my clothes getting a little tighter and my torso getting thicker. I get into a full rehearsal schedule this week on top of work which makes me really anxious too, just in terms of not getting enough rest. 

So - I know it's all worth it. But I'd really like to feel better, that's all. 

In better news - my little pal is the size of a raspberry this week and apparently wiggling its little webbed fingers and toes a lot. How 'they' know this, I have no idea. But I'll take it. 

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