10 weeks and lonely

Last week at work was total crap, so this weekend I've done very little but recoup my mental health and energy. I'm also finding that I just want to sleep a lot right now, so I've kind of just given in. All the literature says that my emotions could be super high and super low about this time, and I've definitely been experiencing the super low. The work drama was terrible, but the feeling of incredible loneliness has been worse. I do 'feel' better thank goodness, not 100% quite yet, but better. Hopefully the lows and the need to sleep are all indications of being right on track.

I find that my normal way of getting through things isn't kicking in quite the same - usually I make a plan and move it forward. But right now, I feel a little in limbo, and a little static. I want to kick my own butt, but honestly, my butt prefers to lie down! I think having a friend close by or a partner would help motivate me to get going on something, anything - coffee or a walk or shopping or well, anything. But right now, every person I know has their own life and the prospect of getting up and out to do something by myself leaves me totally cold. I don't know if it's because I feel vulnerable, or what. But it's definitely how I feel. And it kind of sucks.

I did get to babysit my niece last night - and she just reminds me every minute that I'm with her about how this will hopefully all turn out. She is smart and funny and adorable and seeing her relieves the loneliness a bit too.

At 10 weeks, my little pal is the size of a prune, or a kumquat. The kumquat is a far prettier little fruit!