I've been having some high anxiety the last 2 days, because I'd planned for an LH surge on Monday or Tuesday, indicating when I should go in for my 2nd IUI procedure. And as of this morning it hadn't happened, which made me wonder if I'd somehow missed my chance. So I called to change my appointment, for the third time this week, to tomorrow.
I think my anxiety is threefold: first, it comes from inconveniencing others because I have to figure out when I can do this in a very small window while considering what works for my job, what works for the clinic, and what works for my mom (and sister who is in town) so that they can come support me - both because I feel like I need at least one of them and because they really want to be there for me; second, it comes from the idea that I may have missed my opportunity this month - which I now know I haven't, but which is the first thing that comes to mind - and proves yet again how little I can control in this process; and third, I now will be having the doctor in the clinic do my procedure - I haven't met her and I'm nervous. My regular nurse practitioner is who I've consulted with over the last 6 months and who did my IUI last time. I like her. I'm comfortable with and trust her but she's out on Wednesdays. I'm sure the doctor is great, but it just adds another layer of insecurity and feeling out of control.
Thank God I am working with a clinic where the women there are SO flexible and nice and do everything they can to make this as easy as possible for me. They have proven over and over that I made the right choice to work with them, and I feel really very lucky to have discovered them when I first started this process. So even though I'm nervous about a new person, I'm grateful that she is the one who sets the standard of generosity and compassion for the clinic. And if I learn anything from this process, I pray it will be how to let go of things I can't control.
Tomorrow - IUI #2...