What are you prepared for?

 I was really prepared for so much to change in my life, but I was completely unprepared for how unsettled I'd be. Though I do think some of this is just transitional, because there is really nothing more profound and impactful than bringing a baby into your life. Still, I was under the impression that I'd be adjusting my life to fit my baby, not suddenly feeling like I wanted to totally reinvent myself and my life. That has come as a surprise. There are parts of me now that think a nice little house in a quiet neighborhood wouldn't be awful, and commuting isn't the worst thing I have to do in order to take him to great childcare everyday (don't ask me about it at 730am, however). But then there are parts of me/my life that I'm suddenly desperate to clean up, clear out and change altogether. As though having a baby wasn't big enough? This isn't a new feeling for me, but I really thought I'd get over that constant, nagging, underlying dissatisfaction with where I am and the need to always think about where I'm going. What is clear is that I need to get current - with finances, with my household, with my jobs, and with friends. I feel like perhaps I'm on the cusp of a mega spring (life) cleaning. What is new for me is that for the first time, I really don't have a plan for the changes. It's both uncomfortable and scary, but also, a wee bit exciting to think about what's possible.

And really, this is the face I wake up to every morning. So I should probably just shut up and enjoy every moment with him.

10 months old!

My beautiful boy turned 10 months old today. This last week we have had a few 'notable moments' which are probably more amazing for me to witness than anyone else, but it's okay, I'm the mommy.

• He took from me the little washcloth I use on him to control his non-stop drooling on everything, and 'washed' my face with it. It was quite sweet, and unexpected. 
• He pointed to the Squirrel, Owl, and Birds that are on prints above his changing table when I asked, for the first time. 
• He fell at least 3 times onto his head. Poor baby.
• He's now eating grown up food with a fervor. And quite obviously many things with Vit A, since he's got a little carotenemia going on - yellowish coloring on his nose. oops.
• We had our first playdate with 2 other babies close to the same age. That might be more a milestone for me, since I'm not all that comfortable in new social situations. But baby boy thought it was fun, I think. Basically, they all kind of looked at each other and crawled, scooted, cruised to their own corners and grabbed toys to chew on. We'll work on it.
• He is now cruising around the furniture with serious intention, so so SO busy.
• He is finally letting me read to him without constantly grabbing the book and chewing on it. Thank goodness. At least most of the time.
• He looks at me very intently when I'm repeating words to him - I'm pretty sure he's watching how I say it and I feel like I can see his little wheels turning in there. And this morning, he repeated after me when I'd say "yellow". In his own language, but I'm very sure he thinks he was saying yellow, too. SO FASCINATING!

Promises to keep.

When I started this process, I looked for anything, anyone, that could help me with all the questions and planning. I found a couple of blogs, several books, a couple of websites, and one local group of like-minded women who either were already or planned to be single mothers by choice. I'm not really a group person, so gearing up to go to one of these "meet ups" was rather a huge ordeal. (I think I maybe even blogged about it.) The group was comprised of one organizer, who at the time of our meet up, had just had twins both of whom were still in NICU, and I think just one other woman, who had an infant son. It was a good meeting, simple and somewhat informative. But soon after, when there was no one to take over running the group, it disbanded. I promised myself that if I was successful, I'd start another group for women like me. So earlier this summer, I did just that. And as of our second successful meeting, we have 21 members in the group - in all different stages of becoming/being single mothers by choice. Hopefully, this group will continue as more local women on this path discover there is a place for support and camaraderie.

Wow - Time just FLIES!

It's incredibly hard to believe my beautiful boy is approaching 10 months old. We have a pretty busy life - and as a solo, working mom, it's hard to find time to record the days as they happen, they kind of just need to happen and I've had to learn to enjoy the minute in the minute, or I miss so much. There are lots of things I want to share, but I'll make my re-introductory post short and commit to picking things back up again soon. Here is my little guy...

And if you're wondering whether going through this process is worth it. I promise, it is.