15.5 weeks old: Routines, Milestones and What ifs?

My beautiful boy and I are getting used to our new routine. I try to wake up early enough (5:30am) to get a shower in and his bottle ready before I 'wake' him up. And if I'm lucky enough to get to him before he fully wakes and realizes how hungry he is, I get a big beautiful smile from that crib and my heart gets all melty. Then we sit on top of my bed and he has his bottle while I read stories or just talk to him - pausing every couple of ounces to stretch and perhaps burp, and even smile again. Then I prop him up on a pillow so we can chat (and sometimes dance) while I get dressed and then I get him dressed and off we go by 7:10am to daycare. Since his bedtime is inching up earlier and earlier, and because I'm pretty worn out from my day when we get home, I had to figure out how to create really good interactive time with him during the weekdays - and the morning is really our only chance. Once in a while he has some reserved energy in the evenings and can give me an extra 30 minutes of chat and giggle time, but I can't count on it - so mornings are our thing. I have finally accepted that he won't forget me during the day, and that if I am focused enough and go to bed early enough, we can have the incredibly important time together. It's never enough but it is making the most of what is possible. I have one concert left this weekend and then our weekends will be carefree - full of family, friends, outings and play, OR cuddle time on the couch with stories and lots of drooling. It seems like my baby is happy, but there is no better confirmation of this than when his daycare provider (B) or my parents say it. As B said last week, "He's a happy baby, thank god!" Yep, thank God. 

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Over this past weekend I feel like my baby crossed over the threshold from just mostly observing to engaging. One day he watched most things around him and maybe smiled or cooed in reaction, but the next day he started to 'talk' to me, and craning his neck to follow conversations, and people where ever they might be in the room. He still coos, but he's also starting to do the baby babble and he is INTENSE about it! And he laughs and kicks up a storm when I change him - he has such energy and enthusiasm. I LOVE IT! It's so fun to start to see his developing personality. And he has started to engage with my niece (1 1/2 years old) and with the other baby at his daycare. It's pretty cool. 

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A friend posted a link to a blog post this morning that was titled: "When My 8-Year-Old Gay Son Taught His Class About Harvey Milk". Of course it caught my eye. 8 year old gay son? I opened the article and scanned it and found a link to a year old post from the author that was titled:"When Your 7-Year Old Son Announces, 'I'm Gay'". That's what I wanted to read. I have many gay friends, some are as close as family, and what I know from them is that they knew so early they were gay, but I'd not ever heard of any of them actually stating it aloud at such a young age. Now, to be fair they are mostly my age or older so there was likely no room or opening for such a declaration that early in their lives, but of course it was also not even close to socially acceptable. This blog headline caught my eye however because I have thought about it - what if my son is gay? How will I help him to enter this society that, for all its recent progress, still considers being gay a 'thing' to express, explain and justify, instead of a thing that just is. Because truly, it just is. If it is innate as I believe it is, then you are or you aren't gay - or conversely, you are or you aren't straight, but you don't choose. That's the world I want him to enter and I wanted to know what this mom did for her son when he made that announcement at such a young and tender age. Her beautiful response made me cry and while I have no idea yet what my son is, because he already is gay or straight, I wish wish wish with all my heart that I possess the ability to help him be the best person he can be so that he can find love and partnership and create a family of his own someday. Read here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Amelia/when-your-7-year-old-son-announces-im-gay_b_1277910.html